Comfort Food—We All Love It
It’s called “comfort food” for a reason. It feels good to eat, and the process is soothing, especially during difficult moments. We all eat emotionally, and that's ok. The pleasure we derive from food is one of life's best offerings.
Eating food we love helps us to relax and de-stress. Eating also brings on the rest-and-digest response. We breathe more deeply, our heart rate slows, our muscles relax—and we become more calm. Emotional eating is eating to soothe painful or uncomfortable emotions, which is a valid coping skill. The hardship occurs when the food is finished and the shame and guilt take hold. Do you "yell" at yourself after eating in this way?
Emotional overeating can become problematic when it’s your primary method, or perhaps your only method, of dealing with painful emotions, boredom, or stress. It's not the food and eating aspect of this process, but the negative feelings about yourself that develop as a result of emotional overeating that causes the most harm.
Is emotional eating a problem for you? To answer that question you can ask yourself: "What would I have to feel or experience if food isn't an option to cope?" You may be surprised by the feelings that come up for you. This can be a challenging process that creates anxiety, avoidance, denial, or confusion, and that is normal. Many people come to realize that they don't know how to handle tough emotions in the moment.
Identifying Your Emotional Eating Triggers To Better Understand Your Needs
Often, emotional eating is triggered by specific situations, places, events, or feelings. You may seek out comfort food in response to negative feelings unconsciously (without even knowing what you're doing).
To determine whether emotional eating is problematic you may need to be more aware of yourself: your emotions in the moment, your physical feelings, your thoughts.
1. Numbing Your Feelings
It is completely normal to try to avoid feeling bad. Unpleasant feelings can be painful to face, so you may forget (or lose) yourself by enjoying the food.
The first step here is to simply raise your awareness. It's ok to go to the food, and by learning about your true emotions, you will learn a great deal about yourself and your deeper needs. Further along in this process, you will need to learn to accept, even welcome, emotions like anxiety, anger, or sadness in order to help you meet your true needs in a way that doesn't cause you pain.
2. Boredom
Eating can be something to do when we’re bored or feeling lonely or empty emotionally. So often in my work with clients who struggle with emotional eating, food is a metaphor.
3. Habits from Childhood
Were you made to believe that you were "bad" for eating particular foods and "good" for eating other foods? Was your body criticized as a child? Did a parent or doctor encourage you to diet in order to change your body?
If so, you may have (understandably) developed some hurtful and untrue beliefs about yourself, your body, and food. By exploring these beliefs, you can learn how to become in charge of your eating and life rather than attempting to control or punish yourself, which usually ends up with feelings of shame, guilt and even self-disgust.
4. Party Time
Social occasions, getting together with family and friends, and celebrations can bring about food anxiety. My hope for you is to, over time, eliminate all fears about food and learn to trust your body to tell you what, when, and how much to eat. Should you have a piece (or two) of birthday cake? YES, of course. Celebratory food is a wonderful part of our culture and I want you to enjoy your life fully.
The problem arises is when you eat to a point of pain or punish yourself with bullying thoughts about your choices or weight/shape. By restricting foods or telling yourself that cake is "bad" (and by extension you are bad by eating it), you accidentally perpetuate the cycle of emotional eating.
5. Body Shame
Paradoxically, negativity and shame about your body is a huge trigger for emotional eating. By practicing self-compassion, you can make a significant, positive difference in your everyday life. Try to practice seeing your body with kinder eyes, and focus on the incredible things that your body does for you each moment.
6. Lack of Self-Care
Getting enough sleep, eating when you’re hungry, and taking care of yourself in other ways will help you to feel better and become more in charge of your eating. You deserve to feel good.
Develop Healthy Coping Skills
Cultivate pleasurable and relaxing self-soothing strategies when you feel sad, lonely, anxious, exhausted, or bored. Learn more about what you enjoy. Surprisingly, many people don't know much about their likes and dislikes. Coping is about finding ways to connect with yourself, relax, and have fun.
If you’re down, text someone. Play with your dog. Meet someone for coffee.
When you’re full of nervous energy, use it up. Dance to your favorite song. Take a walk outside. Move your body in a pleasure-seeking way, or rest your body without guilt.
Exhausted? Make yourself a cup of tea. Take a hot bath. Light a scented candle. Schedule a vacation, a massage, or take a nap.
When you’re bored, watch a comedy or read a book. Take up a hobby, like learning to paint, quilting, gardening, or trying something new with friends.
Go to food if you need to, and practice self-compassion, forgiveness, and awareness. Please, no "yelling" at yourself.
Learn More About Intuitive Eating
Intuitive Eating is the practice of trusting your body, which innately has all of the information you will ever need regarding food and eating. No diet could ever match this wisdom that you already possess. You are born with this knowledge, and if you have kids or observe small children and babies eat, you already know this. They don't have such a fraught relationship with food, they just eat when they are hungry and stop when satisfied. This is the fundamental backbone of Intuitive Eating, which guides you to:
Give yourself unconditional permission to eat when hungry and what food is desired.
Become aware of your hunger and nourish your body in the moment (or as soon as you can).
Notice signs of satiety, and give permission to stop eating when satisfied- telling yourself that you can have any food you desire again, any time.
Increase awareness of how foods feel in your stomach.
Practice self-compassion.
There's so much more, and the above ideas are a great place to start along your journey to returning to Intuitive Eating. You’ll need a specialized dietitian to help you with your unique process, the more tricky bits, and all of the unlearning that comes with Intuitive Eating.
Find Your People, Ask For Help
It can be very lonely to work to heal your relationship with food in our diet-obsessed culture. You are constantly bombarded with messages about food morality, thinness, and dieting that are not only untrue, but harmful. There are people and communities out there that reject diet culture and see it as the problem (rather than blaming ourselves for "failing" yet another diet).
You deserve a life free from the shackles and mental storm of the diet mentality. Reach out for support, anytime.
Get Specialized Support
The ACED team is an inclusive group of specialized therapists and dietitians who can help you to heal so you can get back to living your life.
We’re here to help. Schedule your complimentary 15-20 minute phone consultation to find out if the ACED team could be a good fit for you. If you’re ready, we’ll match you with your dream team.
Legal disclaimer: The ACED team is comprised of mental health professionals licensed to practice in the state of Texas. Reading our blog does not create a therapist-client relationship between us. Our blog is designed for informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for professional care. The contents of this blog should not be used to diagnose or treat illness of any kind, and before you rely on any information presented here you should consult with a trusted healthcare professional. If you are currently experiencing a mental health emergency please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.